Stand Tall Big Girl

I sincerely hope you took the time to read those and understand that with every negative, there was a positive story that you should have read over the years too.

I may not be Elton John, but he recently told his story in ‘Rocketman’. He couldn’t speak his truth and heal without making mention to his overly critical mother and father who abandoned him. Johnny Cash approved the movie ‘Walk The Line’, which also speaks about the death of his brother and his overly critical father, who he tried so hard to please.

Stories of healing from heartbreak, addictions, and loss are so huge because they help to heal others through inspiration and hope. Readers and viewers want reassurance that they are not the only one feeling a little “psycho” or crying themselves to sleep at 4am every night.

I am just a little peon, but I have a story. A very relevant story where I won’t stop at heartbreak. I will go far deeper as I tell it. I’m not ashamed of my past at all. I’m not scared to share the story of losing the greatest love of my life and rebuilding my future alone.

So wait, there is more to come as I heal. But to all the haters, I have so many lovers standing behind me too. People who write to me and say that they too are going through heartbreak. There are others who are encouraging me to go full steam ahead and assuring me that, once I get through this, an awakening will happen that I’ve never seen before.

So I’m done with the critical “hide your life behind a curtain” bullshit. If more people spoke their truth, there would be less break-ups, less addictions, and happier free-spirited people in this world.

So, Please keep criticizing me for doing what I’ve done a 1,000 times before but you weren’t paying attention to. There are over 1,100 blog posts on this site, and many of them lovely stories about family. Feast away haters.

Why My Story Now

I would have told my story months ago, but it was riddled with hate and sorrow. I feel now I can write it and let go. Ottawa gave me shit, and it has taken me about 4 months to make shit pies out of it.

I am doing this to heal for the following reasons:

• I do best sharing my life experiences. I’ve been doing it for over 12 years now on Facebook, Instagram and on this blog.
• I don’t want baggage and it’s up to me to unload. Carrying baggage into a new relationship will only cause grief. I want to heal, learn about my faults and forge ahead to live my best life with someone wonderful.
• I want to love myself again. Boy I loved myself pre-Ottawa hell. I want that back. I need to start losing weight again and it’s high time .
• I want to love being alone again. Staring at walls is no fun. Writing gives me great joy.
• I don’t want to be harassing or chasing my ex-husband for the next five years. If he wants to mend fences, great, I’m all for it. If he doesn’t, I want to find a wonderful life with someone who will live, love and spread joy with me. Exclusively me.
• I don’t want to drink and smoke myself to death. This form of self soothing is really taking me down.
• I hate spending $140 an hour on therapy every two weeks. I actually need more because come day 13, I’m ready to explode. Perhaps writing will help.
• I want to forgive.

There are so many more reasons but if that isn’t enough to satisfy the biggest critique, then I’ll let you live with your Ego and you let me live with my free spirit. I’m so proud that I’ve come so far so quickly. I have a long road to go because addiction has run deep throughout my life. Loneliness and abandonment has too. That is obvious as I travel through this horrible journey.

Happy Friday to all. Be with loved ones. Enjoy the sun. Have fun. I’m doing me. Because I AM Beautiful Crazy.

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